Slumlord Hundred-Thousandaires

WE OWN YOU

Landlords in Worcester should be a sub-species of homo-sapiens. They suck the lifeblood (rent) out of our veins and spend it at bars out in Fitchburg with their friends as they pound brewskies and daydream of orange woman and listening to Jimmy Buffet while holding pinneapple ricotta smoothies.

You might think that this posting is prompted by a bad incident with my landlord, but I actually kind of like my landlord. While he inexplicably removed our washer and dryer and takes two weeks to get hold of, we have a pretty solid "you stay out of my business and I'll stay out of yours" relationship. The other day he even fixed our toilet which frequently decides to vomit shit all over the fucking floor and he didn't even complain much about it (although he had to commute from Harwich to deal with the problem [WHAT THE FUCK IS HE IN HARWICH FOR? SERIOUSLY HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?])

After the toilet incident he even said that he wouldn't charge us for the window that broke at our raging wild dionysian party the other week. Even when I told him that a drunkard who may or may not be affiliated with the mob put his fist through it, he still seemed content to eat the cost. So in my book, George Economos is a pretty decent dude with a wicked pissah accent. This posting is not about him, but rather the other members of the Notorious Landlords of Worcester Union.

Every morning I walk up my hill and 4 out of 7 of those mornings I end up on my ass sliding down the ice. This is what my walk looks like:

1. 2.

3.
Now I know that I am not in grave danger. But where I come from, little old Jewish ladies fucking sue your ass for shit like this. I mean, they sue for even less then this. If you merely look at them funny and then three minutes later they slip and bruise their hip you should expect a call from Jon Liebovitz Esq. that evening and a court summoning in a month.

Now I don't necessarily condone law suits as markers of justice, but I just want someone to purchase a damn quart of Ice Salt. You can buy this for 10 bucks at P-Chops. The landlord doesn't even need to put it on the ice themselves, they can just put it in the apt for the inhabitants to use at their discretion. If George Economos can do this, believe me the others can find a way to as well.

The second act of behavior that Landlords must immediately cease and desist from is the hacking up of tenants with Machetes. In case you haven't heard, this is exactly what happened a night ago about 4 blocks away. If you missed the story you can see it here.



I mean seriously. Is this really necessary? A machete? I think there are more productive ways to collect on the rent. Whatever happened to the unspoken rule of baseball bats + kneecaps? Now the dude is dead and Mr.Pyschopath has to find a new tenant. Slaughtering isn't even convenient for him from a business perspective!

I think these two examples prove that landlords have a skewed logic that tenants simply can't comprehend. Share your stories where landlords show a similar logic!