In defense of urban hunting

We need to get back to our primordial roots ASAP. 

I went shopping at Honeyfarms today and there was this inexplicable void in me. I took my canned beans to the register and without any effort I now had food for the evening. I don't even have to prepare the food. Heat and cook-- so simple. I don't even have to provide for my cubs and mate, just myself. There is something wrong with the modern day hunt.

The experience reminded me of a video I once saw when a guy walks in to a supermarket with a crossbow and shoots everything before he takes it up to the register. This is definitely a step in the right direction.

In fairness to animal life and the eco-system we need to play an active part in helping it maintain homeostasis.  We must discover what is overpopulated-- hunt them down, and destroy them before consuming them. 

Here is an example...

At Goucher college in Baltimore there is a huge overpopulation of deer. The school in an effort to prevent future problems, organized a bow hunt during a winter break to help take out some of the deer. There was much backlash. Here is the story.

Once again, this is another step in the right direction but is still incomplete. First of all, Goucher should have immediately suspended every undergrad's meal plan and told them to fend for themselves. Not only would the deer problem get solved, but students would not be consuming wasteful imported food. Additionally, they would learn valuable new skills about fending for themselves in the urban jungle. Imagine: you have just walked out of your economics class and you find that you are hungry. Immediately, your instincts kick in. Your tongue goes dry and your palms get sweaty. You have become a fucking beast! A tiger! You have never hunted before but something from a bygone era tells you what to do. You creep stealthily up to a doe and her fawn (believe me, I have been there and you can walk right up to them) and YOU RIP IT APART WITH YOUR BARE HANDS. Now you cut down a pine tree and rub sticks together for fire. You don't have a knife so you skin its pelt with a rock. This is what I call a well rounded college experience.

The second problem with the Goucher solution was their choice of weaponry. A bow, while better than a mechanical rifle, still leaves you disconnected from hunting and our inner nature as animalistic beings. You really need to get up close to the animal that is dying for your substinence.  You must appreciate that it is a part of the same living system as you, that you are both made of the same life force. That he is you and you are he. You must know this before killing it by my recommended method (bludgeoning with a sock filled with batteries).

This is what is missing from our urban experience. It is something that can be addressed in any city or suburb. For example, at Clark we have a squirrel overpopulation. In Britain they have started eating squirrel meat for this exact reason. Sarah tells me their meat is reported to taste nutty. Great!  Lets get up to par here.

Next time you are in the dining hall or mini-mart, remember my advice. And if you are going on a walk in crystal park don't forget your sock.