Militaristic Epicenter Strategy

As many of you have probably noticed it isn't always easy to sit in our beloved epicenter. This is because other people in the Clark community haven't yet realized that it does not belong to them... muahahaha! Today I was in the building but couldn't think straight. I felt like a Palestinian trying to pray in a synagogue... it simply didn't work. Since I was awarded a medallion for being a military strategic commander, I will divulge some information on how we can permanently annex the epicenter to avoid this problem.

1. We must always strive to have at least one of us present and visible on the couces. A continual presence is the only way to obtain the desired area. You know how in high school seating areas were extremely defined? This is no different. We must strice to be like high schoolers at all times. YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE UNLESS YOU ARE IN THIS SPOT. If everyone begins to associate certain faces with the area, one day they will simply lose the desire to sit there because it will make them feel out of their element like everyone did waiting in lunch line. Be the asshole. Always.

2. What to do if someone is there? If there is only one person there you simply go sit across from them. You can even awknoledge them or converse, but never forget that they are the enemy. As soon as another epicenter comrade sees you sitting one on one with a stranger he or she will quickly come to aid. You can even text someone to call for reinforcements. When the stranger is outnumbered they will ultimately retreat.

3. If someone or some people have left their items there, but they are not physically there, you have an excuse to move in. Consider them WMD's and tell them you need no war resolution

4. In the event that the epicenter is possessed by 2 or more people consider the following courses of action. If you are alone you have to wait for back ups. Try to scout out a territory close to the promised land so you can move in for invasion as soon as you sense the foreign targets beginning to leave. If you are with multiple people and have huge balls you can simply try to tell them you are in love with the area, that it is the basis for your religion and worldview and could suggest to them a spot they might like instead. You could also tell them you lost your virginity right where they are sitting and the spot holds sentimental value with you. You could even tell them that you have social anxiety and that the place offers sanctuary. The possibillities are endless. If all else fails, pull the fire alarm and leave your stuff there.

Hope all this helps!