Uses for my Electric Blanket

Who would have thought that there were SO many uses for my electric blanket!!? These are 11 things you can do with the big EB:

1) Keep your body warm (obvi).
2) Stick your cold clothes under it, and have hot clothes to put on instead of chilly room temperature clothes.
3) Woo people into snuggling with me. Example:
Me: Wanna snuggle?
Will: No.
Me: You sure?
Will: Yes.
Me: I'll give you candy.
Will: No.
Me: I have an electric blanket!
Will: Are you ever going to stop asking me?
Me: No.
Will: (Deep sigh)...Fine. But don't touch my ass or anything like last time.
Me: You know I can't make promises like that.

Some might say its my agonizingly annoying persistence that brings me the snuggle, but I say it's the big EB.

4) Warming up my fingers quickly and effectively when they get cold from too much typing on my laptop.
5) Warming up cold-blooded animals that would otherwise perish.
6) Priming my bed whilst I'm still preparing for sleep, so that once I jump in, it's so gloriously warm. mmmmm.
7) Getting little tuft balls in my mouth while I'm sleeping. It sheds a little bit. More like a lot a bit.
8) Setting houses on fire (I haven't tried this one yet, but I hear it's a blast).
9) Leaving it on when I fall asleep by accident, thereby waking up sweaty and dehydrated.
10) Cooking meals.
11) Suffocating people that I hate.

Everyone should own one of these.