Tales of the Orient!

GONG HEI FAT CHOI!!!! Or, if you speak Mandarin, GONGXI FATCAI!! AKA: Congratulations and be prosperous!!! Why?? Because it's Chinese New Year, and who doesn't want to be prosperous for the new year? I know I want to be prosperous. I want to be prosperous up the wazoo, so to speak. So, happy year of the Ox! It's actually the year of the GOLDEN OX, but I don't know what that means exactly. But, for anyone born in 1973 or 1985 or 1998 or 2010 etc., this is your year!!! It's my brother's year! But anyway, I'm going to talk about Chinese New Year because I've been totez wanting 2 blog for some time, but whenever I tried to think of something clever or witty or even remotely interesting, nothing came to mind. But today is a special occasion and is remotely interesting, so here goes!

CASH MONEY!!!
(Lai see[Cantonese] Hong Bao [Mandarin]<--Red envelopes)
Chinese New Year is a sweet holiday for lots of reasons, but the most important and greeeatttt reason is the fact that you get LOADED!! The traditions is this: married couples/elders give money in red envelopes to younger unmarried people/children. THIS IS SO SWEET (until you get married, I suppose. Then you have to give all your money away. Luckily, I do not have to worry about this. I just reap allll the benefits!) The reason the money is presented in a red envelope is because the colour red symbolises good luck and is supposed to keep away all dem bad spiritz. Actually, according to legend, there was this bad spirit named Nian (Which means year in Chinese!) who would eat everybody's livestock and children and stuff, but one day Nian got scared away by some kid wearing red. That wuss was afraid of the colour red! So, red=good!

But!! You aren't supposed to give money that has anything to do with the number four. Like you can't give someone forty dollars, and you can't give them four bills. Why? Because the number 4 in Chinese sounds like the word for "death", and so it's super bad luck. So all you married, old people out there reading this blog, don't do that. Unless you want the person receiving this money to die. In which case, go right ahead!! But I think you might have bad luck too. Must research this. Moving on.

CANDY!!!!!
You're supposed to eat sweets to ring in a "sweet" new year. Pretty straight forward. Pretty awesome. Always my favourite part (besides the money).

CANDY IN RED ENVELOPES!!!
Okay, so this one doesn't really deserve three exclamation marks, but that's just my opinion. I'll explain more, and then you can make up your own mind. Red envelopes=money, right? NOT ALWAYS. Sometimes, the cheapo relatives put chocolate coins in red envlopes, so you see a red envelope and think, "I'm about to get bank!!!" But instead, you open it up and find chocolate of very poor quality wrapped in gold foil that is sometimes really hard to remove. Yes, chocolate is better than nothing, but money is better than chocolate. And it's always so disappointing when it isn't money.

WEAR NEW CLOTHES!!!! WEAR NEW CLOTHES THAT ARE RED!!!!!!!!
To my understanding, you're supposed to wear new clothes because a) it symoblises a new start in the new year b) it shows that you have nice things to year=prosperous things to come in the new year c) the evil spirits will not recognise you because you are wearing a disguise! Suckaz got trixed!! And, as stated earlier, red is THE colour of choice of the Chinese. So deck yourself in some new red clothes!

HAIRCUT TYMEZ!!
Okay, so it's a little late for this one, but whatevz. The tradition is that you are supposed to get your haircut before the new year so that, once again, the bad spirits won't know who the heck you are. But it's bad luck to get your haircut on New Year's day or for a month after New Years. But it's okay guys, now you know for next year!

OPEN UP!
Your windows and doors! It lets in all the luck, and it lets in all your friends! Except it's super cold outside, but maybe you can open up the windows a crack. Hopefully luck isn't some fat guy and he can squeeze in through the crack.

Well, there are tons more superstitions and traditions, but I'm smelly, so I'm going to take a shower. But I wish to each and every one of you, xinnian kuaile (mandarin) or san nin fai lok (canto!) aka: Happy New Year!!! So on this first day of the Chinese lunar calendar, I hope you all remember that you are loved and that you can make of this year what you want it to be. So, congratulations on being you, and be prosperous!!

Wo ai nimen (I love you guyz!),
张 绪 慧
Zhang Xu Hui
Sarah Cheung!