The Morning Routine

It is common knowledge that my sleeping schedule is eternally fucked. Two days without sleep here, a 2 hour rest there, 19 hour naps everywhere. Such is the way my life functions. I wish I was exaggerating. This abominable pattern reached its peak last semester when I was only enrolled in two 3-hour seminars. This = 5 day weekends. Oh. God. I would go to Annie's Clark Brunch at freaking 6am to eat dinner. Again, I wish I was exaggerating.

This semester, however, I believe things are going to be different. Consistent classes at 10:30am, working in classrooms at 8:30am, and honors thesis meetings at 9am, I've regularly found myself...God forbid...needing to get up? And as I begin to do so on a regular basis, I've come to realize one incontrovertible truth: I fucking suck at getting out of bed. Flashbacks of high school ensue.

Didiloo Didiloo Didiloo Didiloo! (that's the flashback onomatopoeia)

In highschool I became a champion of procrastination and multitasking in my morning routine. About 15 minutes before school started, I'd jump out of bed, impeccably land in my clothes for the day, eat cereal, then wash my bowl as I brushed my teeth. Luckily I ran cross country ("XC is Sex-E" was our team moto. We were such foghats), so I sprinted the mile to school with relative ease, and made it to class in the nickelodeon of time.

Un-Didiloo Un-Didiloo Un-Didiloo! (get it? It's my flashforward. I'm so funny kill me now I have no friends)

There is one big difference between getting up here in my apartment in Worcester than at home, however. IT'S BALLZ COLD HERE. Will and I refuse to turn the heat up over 52, and we turn it off at night, so when we wake up it's near freezing. I can see my breath in the morning. The thought of getting out of bed in my underwear and trying to put on clothes in the frigid air chills me to the bone. Literally. It has become the sole reason for lying in my bed all morning. I've come up with a solution though!!! And I encourage all you cold apartment dwellers to use it. It's a near fool-proof system:

Step 1- Pick out your clothes before you go to bed.
Step 2- Fold them up nice and compact
Step 3- Stick the folded clothes UNDER your blanket right next to you.
Step 4- Fall asleep and don't roll around or else you're fucked.
Step 5- Wake up, put your head under the covers, and put your warm clothes on without feeling the nip of Jack "the butt king" Frost.
Step 6- Proceed with your day.

Screw winter, and screw organized, structured, and balanced lifestyles.