R.I.P dreams and aspirations

h8 mah friendz frum home. They suk nd shyt nd r no fun. All they want to do is go to bars, make out with boys who luv striped button down shirts, and listen to Journey (not ironic. omg. so fckng lame.) h8 them. Whatever, I don't go to the bars with them anyway. I don't like going places where I'm looked down on for paying in coins (Bartenders FUCKING H8 IT WHEN YOU DO THAT.) Unfortunately, however, it is generally frowned upon...

Except at Ernesto's! They'll take ANYTHING there. Pizza's $2.75? I'll smoke them up later. Soda's $1? Got a dollar on my metro card! Chicken parm's $5.00? Are quarters ok? Yes? Great!

Anyway, I spent a lot of time at Ernesto's over break. One day, on the big flat screen t.v they keep on top of the soda machine, they were playing The Nutcracker. I've never really liked ballet. Usually I'm all like, "This would be better if they were talking." But goddamnit what I saw on this t.v in this little pizza place was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I was suddenly overcome with a staggering and wholly consuming remorse as I realized I would never be a ballerina. I am simply too old. And the thing is, I'll never even know if I had potential. I could have been great. I could have been a prima ballerina, but now I'll just never know.

I went home in a rage. My dad was in the kitchen washing dishes (pussy), I yelled at him for not promoting my interests.
"But you never showed any interest in ballet before."
"WELL I AM NOW."
"You can still take classes."
"BUT I'LL SUCK, DAD!"
"I don't really know what to tell you."
a minute later....
"Wait, you were in ballet classes. You didn't like them."
"Fuck you."

Now I know what growing up means. It's a series of regrets and missed opportunities. I watch youtube videos of Swan Lake and think "That could have been me... if I wasn't such a dumb ass 5 year old."

And there's a whole bunch of things I will never do and never be now. I will never be a child prodigy, I will never be really good at a sport, I will never get into a good college (h8 u, Clark), I will never be fluent in another language, I will probably never be a sculpter or a potter or an artist, I am not even of interest to child predators anymore. Growing up sucks. Who cares that I have no interest in sports or languages? It still sucks. I wanna be a fucking ballerina.